"What is your favorite cereal?"
"What kind of sports do you like the most?"
"Do you like summer? Why/why not?"
"Which movie among the Oscar winners did you like the most?"
"Who is your favorite, Captain America or Spider Man?
Throughout lifetime, we ask a lot of questions. To friends, to interviewees, to colleagues... Especially when we are not that close with another person, we tend to throw random questions like the examples above in order to break an ice and soften the awkward atmosphere. And you know what did I discover last week? Most of such questions share a same pattern: they ask what do you 'like'. Why does this happen? Why do we almost automatically ask other people about what they like instead of what they dislike?
After discovering this intriguing phenomenon, I started to think. After three days of contemplation, I... could not arrive at any conclusion. Yeah, I know, it is very disappointing to say this, but I could not find any nice answer that can make sense in every occasion. However, I went off at a tangent and began judging this way of questioning instead of logically analyzing it. I wondered: Is this the best way to get to know other people? Aren't there any better option we can take to effectively befriend other person? Is 'like' our only last resort?
Well, this time, I could arrive at some sort of conclusion. I, after reflecting upon my own experiences, personally think that asking what does he/she like is not the best question to get to know each other. I rather think that asking what does he/she dislike is the best.
Here is the reason why. If you ask one's preference--such as movie, food, weather, and music--you tend to hear positive things back from that person. I like this... I love that... My favorite is this and that... and so on. Of course this is not a bad thing. But, only knowing what does he/she like means that you are only seeing the positive, brightest side of that person. This can be fatal when we think about the long term consequences. As the time goes on, we will inevitably encounter worse situations and unexpectedly negative scenarios while interacting with that person. With literally zero knowledge about what does he/she dislike and what are the pressure points for that person, it may be difficult--even impossible--to avoid time-consuming arguments, misunderstandings, and disputes. Furthermore, I personally think that the answer for the question 'What do you dislike' can only be derived when that person has a very clear standard regarding his/her own preferences: in other words, if you do not know what do you like, it is nearly impossible to know what do you not like. Therefore, when a person can immediately answer to the question 'What do you dislike' with a firm logic of his/her own, I personally think that it means that he/she has spent enough time contemplating about their preferences and is fully equipped with his/her firm, non-volatile standard toward the world.
But hey, this entire article and the logic I have introduced today are completely subjective. You may not agree to this idea of asking what does one dislike instead of like. However, from this moment, I will initiate an icebreaking conversation with other person by asking them "Hey, which is your least favorite movie genre?"